A Year in the Life of Ms Mediocrity

 

 

Goals:

1)     Improve diet

2)    Get fit

3)    Deepen spiritual walk

4)    Discover my destiny

5)    Become more caring and sharing

 

JANUARY

• Joined Pilates, Zumba and Salsa classes
• Joined a “New Year – New You” meet-up group
• Purchased a moleskin journal to record thoughts and gratitude daily.

 

FEBRUARY

• Put journal away – turns out have nothing meaningful to say
• Resolved to quit judging, criticizing and fault-finding
• Visited charismatic church and joined in with the “happy clappy” brigade, despite feeling lippy and iffy.

 

MARCH

• Went on 7-day detox diet. Resolved to drink plenty of water and eat more fruit and veg
• Donated all worldly goods to charity
• Took back worldly goods after reading an adverse report about this charity. Decided charity begins at home.

 

APRIL

• Got into arguments with best friend, family member and next-door-neighbour.
• Retrieved journal from my “unused items” draw – now have plenty to say about those so-and-so’s!
• Regaled the whole sorry saga to my new friends at the Meet-up group.

 

MAY

• Realised have not only defeated purpose of personal development journal but have also broken resolution to stop judging etc.
• Repented and called in at local Catholic Church to confess and light some candles. No way am I going to admit this spiritual blip to the “happy clappy” bunch!
• Left Meet-up group. Did not find them very supportive.

 

JUNE

• Read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Realised already am one. Yay! Have spent more than 10,000 hours eating the wrong foods, having the wrong attitude and saying the wrong things. Celebrated with a tofu and beansprout salad washed down with a kale and cod-liver oil smoothie.

 

JULY

• Listened to motivational messages on YouTube and followed Lady Cee’s two blogs – A Purpose-driven achiever and Women of Warfare!
• Resolved to read entire Bible this year in the Amplified version.

 

AUGUST

• Hit incredibly tedious section during a Bible-reading session about the Amorites, Canaanites and Jebusites. Realised have become a Bored-Until-I-Scream-ite and so give up Bible-reading plan and return to previous custom of only reading Psalm 23 now and again.
• Read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert to compensate, which stirs an overwhelming desire to eat, eat, eat.
• Gave up diet.
• Consoled self by jumping onto that new “see-food” programme which allows one to eat as much as you can of whatever you fancy. Bliss!

 

SEPTEMBER

• Bought new clothes as old ones no longer fit.
• Donated old clothes to the Salvation Army
• Hurt back lifting self out of the doldrums, so quit Pilates, Zumba and Salsa classes.

 

OCTOBER

• Volunteered for mission trip abroad. Fundraising attempts for trip distinctly discouraging. Friends won’t take me seriously and pastor of charismatic church says he can’t support initiative to “save endangered hedonists”.
• Took exception to pastor’s stance: (Jesus loved and spent most of his time with sinners), so left the “happy clappy” church.
• Journaled about my deep disappointment. It sure is lonely on the high road!

 

NOVEMBER

• Joined Salvation Army on the streets at weekends hoping to meet Mr Right (who doesn’t love a guy in uniform?).
• Got roped into serving soup to homeless down-and-outs
• Shook dust from feet when an old drunk spat on me (what do you mean – turn the other cheek?)
• Thanked God for common sense (My mother didn’t raise a fool!) and made sure incident recorded in journal.

 

DECEMBER

• Cancelled mission trip.
• Booked all-inclusive luxury holiday to Barbados. After all I’ve been through, I deserve it!
• Attended New Year Eve’s party and commiserated with fellow failures
• Resolved to do better next year.

3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!

 

 

CREDIT: The above CC0 image comes courtesy of Pixabay.com

 

 

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